Friday, January 25

I'm bringing sexy back


I attend the "sexy" gym. let me explain. I go to a gym class every day of the week, and every day there are the same gym-a-holics there in a new form fitting, color matching, stylish outfit. I am not joking when I say that every single woman in the classes I attend is thin, beautiful, and feels the need to work out in a sports bra and booty shorts. And then there is me. I own only two pairs of gym trousers, and I alternate days of wearing them. These highly unfashionable baggy bottoms match perfectly with one of my many "gym tops" which include (but are not limited to): my USU I AM HERD t-shirt, my USU BE VOCAL choir t-shirt, my Wicked shirt, and my Bust your "A" to Win" Aggies shirt. You can bet your left pinky that I will be wearing mis-matched socks, and my hair will be slicked back in secure pony tail and not curled, straightened, or had anything done that requires a mirror. Needless to say, I stand out a little bit...not only in class, but also at reception. The ladies in the front know me by name, and...here's the worst part, they know my membership number too, and usually which class I am showing up for. I mean honestly, they must of hundreds of individuals coming through there every day, and whenever I walk through the front doors they say "Hi Nicole", type my membership number into the computer and zip me on through usually telling me to enjoy my class on my way through the gate. It's so weird.

Recently I have been doing a trampolining class...which is, in fact, a lot of fun. Because of previous gymnastics training I have been able to zip ahead of most the class on skills and moves, but have still managed to land my name on the "scare list". The scare list, I hear, is not a good thing to be on, because it means you give the instructor a heart attack every time you attempt a trick. Last time I did flips, I was doing them on the floor which, requires much more power than the trampoline does. So I get a nice big jump, shoot into the air, finish my flip and then flop around for a few seconds before landing...which is totally wrong. Not to mention my natural tendency to try and "stick" everything I do on the tramp (when your supposed to just bounce right out of it). I hear that it is really easy to get on the list, and every one in there who can do more than straddle jump is on it, so I guess thats a good thing.... I think.

After an hour of intense bouncing around, I went to spinning. Now this spinning class is by far the hardest one I attend all week. The teacher, we will call her...Mada for names sake, she has been training 2 other people to take over for her. So today one of her pupils took the class, and Mada landed herself on a bike right next to me. I couldn't help but groan a little bit and quickly scan the room for another empty bike to plant myself on... but it was too late. Believe it or not, it was actually worse than I imagined it would be. You see, she is from South Africa and she talks like Rocky Balboa when she is in her "spinning mode". Did I mention that her nickname for me is "Wicked"? because the first day I went to her class I was wearing my wicked T-Shirt, and the name just stuck. Anyways, so she kept shouting "Be Sexy Wicked!"at various times during the ride, and I can't even begin to tell you how un-sexy i looked on that bike after only about 5 minutes. Of course when she would yell this every head in the room turned to see who she was telling to be sexy. By the end of the ride it went from "Be Sexy Wicked" to "Owwwwwwie! Wicked is Sexy!" "Wicked is the sexist one in the room!" (which is code for, wicked is the sweatiest, tiredest, and looks like she will heave on the floor at any moment) It was really great, believe me. So even though I attend a gym where every other woman has had 3 or more plastic surgeries, buys a new fashionable gym outfit every week, and always wears matching socks... I am the one bringing sexy back. Booya.

10 comments:

Dona and co. said...

Go Wicked! Clever AND sexy what a combination.

Marie said...

That's quite a talent you have there Nicole! You even make sweaty and exhausted sound like fun! Heck gee, I may even hop back on my treadmill today after reading this! Maybe Todd will think I'm wicked sexy too! Ouch! TMI!

Anonymous said...

a cleverly written, witty perspcetive on 'sexy'!!

scsc

Anonymous said...

oops - I do know how to spell perspective -

skousenmom said...

Okay, okay, I am trying to type but I am still shaking with laughter! I loved this blog about your gym. We always make fun of the ladies who show up at the gym with their hair done and makeup on--course I don't go to the "high class" gym like you are obviously going to! Too funny! Tell your spin teacher your mom says she needs to come over here and teach a master class--we don't know how to be wicked sexy yet! I love you and your great ability to not be a conformist and make all those dressed up women wish they could look just like you! Don't you doubt it honey--I bet there is some serious "Wow, I wish I could be more like her!" going on there. You are so awesome! Keep on jumping and spinning! And of course, make sure you are wicked sexy doing it! Love you! Mom

Sam said...

Holy cow, I loved this blog. It was hilarious. You are so cool I can hardly stand it! Absolutely brilliant! Love and miss you!

Sam said...

P.S. Be sexy Wicked!

Anonymous said...

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