Saturday, September 1

Smiles all around

Today was the first time I have ever had sparkling water, and yes there is an embarrassing story accompanying this experience. We sat down for dinner tonight up at the country club (fancy shmancy) and for my drink, as always, I ordered water. Well Sarah ordered a pitcher of sparkling water and just pored me a glass without even thinking twice. Now sparkling water is very deceptive- it wants you to think it is regular water so it saves the sparkles and tingles till after you have put it into your mouth. At this point you can either spit it out (which most people won't do) or gulp it down. I gulped. A look of shock inevitably seized control of my face and then... a giant grin. I looked as though I had just found a winning lottery ticket, first surprise, shock, maybe disbelief followed by sheer happiness and uncontrollable teeth flashing. They even felt the need to point out my reaction to the waitress who was probably silently wondering why everyone was laughing. Don't worry, it doesn't end there. This water has an effect on me I never thought possible. Every single time I take a drink, I smile. Now this is no ordinary smile that comes over me. It is a huge grin, eyes squeezed so close together one might wonder how I still see out of them type of grin. And the best part is that I totally and completely 100% cannot help it. It's truly strange. I even tried my best not to smile, but when the sparkling water explodes in my mouth and on my cheeks, they gravitate upwards. Its amazing, I am thinking of entering myself into a science lab to be tested on this, maybe make some extra cash. Anyways I was considering some of the circumstances where this water would be useful.

instance #1-Bad Date
Your out to dinner, your date is a total bore. He keeps making these ridiculous jokes and you don't know how much longer you can keep this absurd smile on your face. The waitress asks you what you are drinking and you are thinking vodka...martini...when sparkling water slips out. By the time the waitress brings you your drinks your cheeks are numb and you know she is in the nick of time because you were about to explode. You grab your glass like it's chocolate cake and take a sip... and what happens next? Tingley amazingness hits your mouth and you smile, for real this time because this water is like a party in your mouth. Wow. You order another one before the waitress can set your date's drink down... at the rate he is going you know you will need at least 4 others before the food arrives, but at least now you are enjoying yourself. Thank you sparkling water!

instance #2-Walking
Did you know sparkling water comes in a bottle? Well, amazingly enough it does. So to brighten your day, and everyone else's by grabing a bottle. Spend that extra pocket change, and you will be glad you did. When you are walking down the street, simply sip the water every minute or so. When the flashy smile bursts onto your face people passing you by will think "there is no way ordinary water can make a person that happy, they must be smiling at me!" and then they will perk up, walk a little taller, and smile back at you. Basically you will get a free smile because you didn't have to try to put yours on. Then that person will think of you the rest of the day as 'that nice woman (or man) that smiled at me.' And who doesn't want to remembered as that. Go on, make a difference in the world, drink sparkling water.

There are many more instances that I thought of, but I think you pretty much get the point.

I have now decided that I should pursue a career in advertising, as I type I am envisioning some killer commercials.

If you can think of a good sparkling water moment or instance in which you can see it being useful, feel free to share. It would make me smile!


Dona and co. said...

I don't need sparkling water to make me smile. I have your blog!

Anonymous said...

Your writing is sparkling ! FOr sure! advertising, writing, photography you are 'multitalented' - you can do it all! THe sparkling water I tried didn't do all that - - so I'm do for another sampling! maybe that only comes with sparkling water in England.

rrrrrach said...

oh my good heck this is freaking hilarious. I love you to pieces!